I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
