dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
