You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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