The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
