my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
