Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
