Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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