TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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