WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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