I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize