guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
