college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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