so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
