Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
