Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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