I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
