i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think i have two assholes
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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