all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
