Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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