I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Can Purell be used as lube?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We need to get me chipped asap
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
