I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
