I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
