Duck Duck Cougar?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
