I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We need to rekindle our bromance
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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