I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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