how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
