Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just had sex bonerless
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
