last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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