Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
