I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
