There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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