I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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