I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
