I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just pee around me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
