I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
