he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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