dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
