no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
