break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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