He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
