the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
