We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
