uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
