oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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