Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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