I hate your face
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
