I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
