I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she told me i tasted like america
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
