Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
