ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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