It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
