you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
