were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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