The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
