i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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