I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
