you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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