so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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