she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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