Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
