you would pick up someone in the library
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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