I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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