She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
